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Security Theater: All The World’s A Stage

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If you remember from my other post here, my wife was livid after having to deal with some power-tripping bunghole in a major airport on the West Coast.

Now, we’ve all been told about how The Terrorists© are going to blow us up, and how they hate us for our freedoms. Hell, if that’s their reasoning, they have nothing to be mad at us about anymore. Through policies of fear, we’ve lost more freedoms since 9/11 than I care to count. ‘Murica. Fuck yeah.

So we’re looking at the website, trying to figure out how to make a complaint to or about the TSA (without ending up in Guantanamo Bay), when we come across something called “TSA Pre✓™”.

Alright, class, who can tell me the purpose of the TSA? Let’s see… You, Billy.

Little Billy stands up, puts his hand over his heart and gives his best war face to the American Flag as he says, 

“Following September 11, 2001, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) was created to strengthen the security of the nation’s transportation systems and ensure the freedom of movement for people and commerce. Today, TSA secures the nation’s airports and screens all commercial airline passengers and baggage. TSA uses a risk-based strategy and works closely with transportation, law enforcement and intelligence communities to set the standard for excellence in transportation security.”

Very good, Billy! Now, I want you to see me after class so I can remove that hook, line and sinker from your stomach.

Can anyone tell me why TSA “officers” were cited in almost 10,000 cases of misconduct in the last three years? Or why complaints against them were up 26% in the same time? Or why they’re in the process of purchasing 3.5 million rounds of ammunition?

I didn’t think so.

So anyway, back to “TSA Pre✓™”.

Straight from the website:

“TSA Pre✓™ allows select frequent flyers of participating airlines and members of U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) Trusted Traveler programs who are flying on participating airlines, to receive expedited screening benefits. Eligible participants use dedicated screening lanes for screening benefits which include leaving on shoes, light outerwear and belts, as well as leaving laptops and 3-1-1 compliant liquids in carry-on bags.”

You all, I am not making this up. For the low-low price of $85 per year (also not making that up) you can stop worrying about The Terrorists©! That’s a bargain if I’ve ever seen one!

I swear to Christ, I could bite through steel nails. Why in the hell do we even have a TSA if we’re going to allow people to go through their own lines? And I’ll give you three guesses as to who will be the first people to take advantage of this. (Here’s a hint – they wear suits to work, carry briefcases and are horrified that they may have to pay for their employees’ insurance.) It’s a good thing fingerprinting is part of the required paperwork for TSA Pre✓™ – half of these fuckers are crooks anyway.

People, look around. You deserve to get mad. You deserve to be pissed off. I know I am. After all the fearmongering having to do with air travel (don’t forget – TSA is coming soon to a bus and train station near you!), this “Pay the fee and skip the line” bullshit is nothing more than a slap in the face.

Keep an eye out – I’m sure we’ll soon see more Freedoms for Dollars™ programs coming soon.


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